My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
