He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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