I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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