i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
