Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
