You're so nebulous sometimes
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
