Don't make out with my wife yet
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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