Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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