Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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