I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
