you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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