the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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