Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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