i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
