Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
