dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
