Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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