I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
