I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
