please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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