I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
