I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
