i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
