i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Randomize
