forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize