So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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