you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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