I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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