After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
