OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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