I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
