I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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