you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
