OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
