did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
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Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
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We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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