it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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