True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
