Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
