Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
