i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
