How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
