I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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