"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
