We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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