Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
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Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Alive.
So much puke
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
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I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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