I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
