its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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