where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
