I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We have started to decorate penises.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
