he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
