i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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