the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
