You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He passed out mid-signature
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
