Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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