1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We named our party play list daddy issues
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
