All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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