I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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