The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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