we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
