I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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