I just made out with a guy for $7.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
