We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
