I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
