Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
