her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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