Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
