here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
