ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
