We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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