you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
