Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
