i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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