"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
