i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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