she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
