ADVERTISEMENT

• (916): View more from California

  is it cool if i come over and use your computer?

  (1-916): View more from California

  what happened to yours?

  (916): View more from California

  i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.

  Fav 6 963 2924

  share tweet
  

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.

  Fav 35 6401 1791

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (318): View more from Louisiana

  i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate

  Fav 15 960 4598

  share tweet
  

• (44): View more from United Kingdom

  Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?

  Fav 34 4237 1918

  share tweet
  

• (970): View more from Colorado

  Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.

  Fav 20 7816 1674

  share tweet
  

• (989): View more from Michigan

  Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.

  Fav 9 2957 1119

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.

  Fav 3 948 2065

  share tweet
  

• (775): View more from Nevada

  Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.

  Fav 4 1755 758

  share tweet
  

• (207): View more from Maine

  I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo

  Fav 7 1836 720

  share tweet
  

• (856): View more from New Jersey

  I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.

  Fav 5 1023 583

  share tweet
  

• (325): View more from Texas

  I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.

  Fav 3 958 483

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (302): View more from Delaware

  It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world

  Fav 2 404 208

  share tweet
  

• (714): View more from California

  I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST

  Fav 0 297 119

  share tweet
  

• (516): View more from New York

  There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.

  Fav 0 13 43

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (336): View more from North Carolina

  PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.

  Fav 0 21 69

  share tweet
  

Randomize