Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
When are your genitals available?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
