You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
