i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
