THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
